About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with a rare disease. They quoted as "disease for rich people", well, whatever they called it, it is really a disease.
I struggled about a year and a half before finding out of what the disease was. I had so much body pain, swelling, no appetite, reducing my weight. I was really thin 3 years ago.
I had my first admission at the hospital which lasted for a week and then got a little better. 2 weeks later went back to the hospital because of some complications. It's a matter of going back and forth in the hospital for several months to cure my unknown disease. We went to different places, outside my town to do check ups and comparing doctors' findings.
Finally, remembering back my last admission at the hospital was my feeling of death. It was really on my head that I will be dead very soon. The pain all over my body won't stop and it made me scream. I was thinking to live because I have kids in about 4&6 years old. I was thinking to overcome pains for my family.
One morning, when I woke up, I was like "oh! God thank you, I'm still alive". However, I struggled unbearable pain already and I started to give up. What kept holding me back to life are my kids and family.
At the edge of death, I had a feeling to die at that moment. I never thought of my kids my family or anyone else. I can't talk nor opened my eyes.
My family, friends, relatives and all the people that care of me went there. These are the things I heard at the edge of death.
1. You need to get well soon because you have kids who were so little.
2. Don't give up, you can surpass these things.
3. Don't worry about anything we will support your needs at the hospital. (Even though they have limited capacity to help).
4. Pray heartily.
5. If you feel you are tired already, you can go. Do not worry about us, the kids and anyone else. We are here to help raise the kids. Be with our God. We always love you.
Based on my experience, the best thing you hear when you're dying is the number 5.
It was my husband who was pitied on my situation and he knew how I got worries for our kids.
After hearing those words, I close my eyes and sleep. Sleep so tightly that I never thought of anything that worries me on top of my pain. I was really happy hearing those words, which made me cry. My tears fell at that very moment. My husband did as well.
I never thought of waking after that heart to heart talks. But instead, I woke up so alive and I was happy.
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